Help and protection for signs of psychological (emotional) violence in the family by women, men, parents and children

12/15/20185 minutes read 11266

Violence can be physical or psychological ( emotional)

). Most people associate the word “violence” with the use of physical force. The brain immediately produces pictures of fights, torture, the use of weapons and pools of human blood. These are all visual images that are most easily imprinted in memory. But there is violence that cannot be “seen,” and it is often more insidious and dangerous than physical violence. We are talking about psychological violence.

What does this mean?
What are the signs of psychological abuse?
How can you help in this case?

And most importantly, how to protect yourself, your children and your family from invisible, but very real tyranny? First things first.

Types of psychological violence

Psychological, also called moral and emotional, violence is a form of non-physical pressure on the human psyche, which leads to anxiety, depression or even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

It is important to understand that in most cases this is not one-time oppression, but a constant factor that creates a certain climate in a relationship or family, where one is dominant and the other is submissive. Typically, psychological and moral violence manifests itself in the form of:

offensive remarks and jokes that are aimed at humiliating dignity or ridicule physical features;
control of actions (the tyrant demands a report on each step taken, arranges interrogations and limits the circle of communication for the victim);
imposing certain mindsets and opinions;
emotional manipulation (provoking certain emotions);
instilling feelings of guilt or debt;
intimidation;
devaluation of achievements.

The means of psychological terror can range from venomous jokes to a completely convincing demonstration of grief (so convincing that you involuntarily feel guilty for upsetting him). A tyrant can pretend to be magnanimous and generous, which is often misleading. But, in essence, it’s something like “I’ll give you what you want, but then you’ll owe it.”

The result of systematic pressure almost always is the acceptance of the partner’s attitudes, a feeling of worthlessness, lack of independence, etc. Psychological and moral violence can manifest itself in the family, in relationships with children, relatives, friends and colleagues at work. There is psychological violence of women and psychological violence of men.

What is domestic violence

So what is domestic violence? The definition is quite simple:

Domestic violence

- these are actions of a physical, psychological, sexual or economic nature that occur between current or former spouses. It can also occur between people who are related.

In addition, domestic violence can be defined as regularly repeated acts of physical or any other force. Many people have to live in families with similar relationships, and in them, instead of trust, a sense of security, love, partnership, cruelty, anxiety, and fear take the leading role.

When it comes to domestic violence, the imagination often paints terrible pictures: a husband beats his wife or mother, abuses children, and so on. The first thing that appears is a man who is an alcoholic, a gambling addict, an insane jealous person, an overly religious husband. Real life doesn't always involve these scenarios. The instigator of domestic violence is often a woman (mother, wife, sister, etc.) and a child.

Methods of psychological violence

There are a huge number of methods by which an abuser acts. Their main feature is manifestations of emotionally abusive behavior, and the essence comes down to one goal: to gain the trust of the victim, and then criticize and humiliate him in various ways. So in a family, parents scold their children for their only B grade, a friend is offended by rare meetings, the boss pokes his nose at the smallest mistakes in work every time, which, undoubtedly, can be interpreted as psychological and moral violence at work.

Another common method of psychological pressure and chronic verbal aggression is behavior in which the abuser wants his partner, whether male or female, to act and think exactly like himself. At the same time, he strives to completely control the victim: he indicates what clothes to wear, what to do, who to be friends with, what job to prefer.

This type of tyrant uses criticism to adjust the partner's behavior taking into account his interests. Yes, conflicts, grievances or moments of criticism sometimes arise between people, and this is normal for society, but often psychological bullying and violence are disguised under them. And it is very important to recognize it in time in order to provide psychological assistance to victims of violence.

Signs of psychological abuse

The so-called signs or “first signs” by which emotional bullying or violence can be recognized have characteristic features. They are present in combinations or separately, but the presence of any of these signs indicates that psychological pressure and violence are being applied to you:

Your partner makes fun of you or criticizes you in front of other people. If you are trying to lose weight, he may call you fat. If you fail to pass a job interview, he will say that it is because of your stupidity. Any reason that can play on your insecurity will be used sooner or later. As a result, your partner will achieve a significant decrease in your self-esteem and will impose the idea that no one but him needs you and you can no longer be helped.
Your ideas, suggestions or opinions are never taken into account. Pure ignorance. Over time, you yourself will begin to doubt the rationality of your ideas.
They try to completely control you, shame you or reprimand you for any actions, treat you like a child, despite your mature age.
Humiliation, insults, accusations, threats - all this is used to unbalance you.
The aggressor partner does not apologize in situations where he is wrong.
Violates your personal boundaries.
Denies his offensive behavior, even if he himself is aware of it.
He yells at you, and then says that you provoked him.
Refuses to discuss problems in your relationship or family.
Uses your affection for him as a tool for manipulation.
May prevent you from communicating with any friends or family members.

Responsibility for mental violence in Soviet criminal legislation

Physical violence should be understood as the infliction of beatings, blows and minor bodily injuries, the purpose of which is to facilitate the seizure of an item or force the victim to hand it over to the criminal. Mental violence refers to any threat of physical violence used for the same purpose.

Author: Grebenkin F.B.

After the October Revolution in Russia, changes occurred in socio-political and economic relations, and there was a need to develop new criminal legislation. A new economic policy developed in the country, and new social relations emerged. In 1922, the first, and in 1926, the second Criminal Code of the RSFSR was adopted. Responsibility for mental violence was more widespread in the Criminal Code of 1926, but many criminal law norms had common features.

Both codes begin with sections on state crimes. In the Criminal Code of 1926, mental influence on other persons took place in Art. 58-5, which provided for liability for “inducing a foreign state or any public groups in it, through relations with their representatives, the use of false documents or other means, to declare war, armed intervention in the affairs of the USSR or other hostile actions, in in particular: to a blockade, to the seizure of state property of the USSR or union republics, severance of diplomatic relations, rupture of treaties concluded with the USSR, etc.” Other such crimes containing this attribute were: propaganda and agitation containing calls for the overthrow, disruption or weakening of Soviet power, as well as aimed at inciting national or religious hostility or discord (Articles 58-10, 59-17) .

Particularly dangerous crimes against the order of government included Art. 59-2 of the Criminal Code of 1926, which contained signs of mass unrest, one of which was “obvious disobedience to the legal demands of the authorities or opposition to the latter’s fulfillment of the duties assigned to them, or forcing them to fulfill clearly illegal demands.”

A. Trainin, V. Menshagin and Z. Vyshinskaya, commenting on this article, explained that coercion can be carried out using physical and mental violence [4]. The same category of crimes included the secret or open theft of firearms, parts for them and fire supplies (Article 59-3a of the Criminal Code of 1926).

Other crimes against the order of management included Art. 73 of the Criminal Code of 1926, establishing liability for resisting government officials or forcing them to perform clearly illegal actions, involving violence against the person of the government representative, which could consist of physical and mental pressure. Art. 86 of the Criminal Code of 1922 also provided for punishment for such actions.

Directly for mental violence, the perpetrator was liable under Art. 73-1 of the Criminal Code of 1926, which consisted of a threat of murder, destruction of property or violence against officials or public workers, used in order to terminate their official or public activities or change their nature in the interests of the threat. The punishment was imposed by the court depending on the circumstances and the nature of the threat. In the Criminal Code of 1922, Art. 94 provided for punishment for violence against guards during the escape of a convicted person. Article 73-2 of the Criminal Code of 1926 ensured the protection of the rights and interests of minors if they were incited or attracted to participate in crimes, and were also forced to engage in speculation, prostitution, “begging”, etc.

In Art. 74 of the Criminal Code of 1926 provided for liability for hooliganism, which meant hooligan actions (their content was not disclosed) in enterprises, institutions and public places. More severe punishment was provided for such actions if they involved rioting or disorderly behavior, did not stop despite the warning of the authorities protecting public order, and were distinguished by their content by exceptional cynicism or insolence. According to the Criminal Code of 1922, hooliganism was defined as “mischievous, aimless actions involving a clear display of disrespect for individual citizens or society as a whole” (Article 176).

For obstruction of the exercise of electoral rights, the appearance of witnesses and people's assessors in court, the person on whom this depended was responsible (Articles 91-4, 92). Obstruction could be carried out in a variety of ways: using violence, deception, bribery, threats.

Through physical and mental violence, as well as with the use of weapons, such official crimes could be committed as abuse of power or official authority (Part 2 of Article 110 of the Criminal Code of 1926), coercion to testify (Part 2 of Article 115 of the Criminal Code of 1926 and Art. 112 of the Criminal Code of 1922), receiving a bribe associated with its extortion (clause “c” of Part 2 of Art. 117 of the Criminal Code of 1926 and Art. 114 of the Criminal Code of 1922). This extortion was considered as an independent crime, consisting of “an active, persistent demand for a bribe under the threat of causing damage within the service.” In case of extortion under pain of violence against the person, an official, like a private person, was held accountable under Art. 174 of the Criminal Code of 1926

The group of economic crimes included obstruction of the legitimate activities of factory and local committees, trade unions and their authorized representatives (Article 135 of the Criminal Code of 1926). Obstruction meant “all kinds of obstruction of their activities,” including the use of mental violence.

In Chapter Six of the Criminal Code of 1926, “Crimes against life, health, freedom and dignity of the individual,” many norms ensured the protection of women from various types of influence applied to them. Criminal liability was provided for forcing a woman to have an abortion (Article 140a), for rape (Article 153 of the Criminal Code of 1926; Article 169 of the Criminal Code of 1922), for forcing a woman to engage in sexual intercourse or to satisfy sexual passion in another way. form in connection with her financial or official dependence (Article 154 of the Criminal Code of 1926), to prostitution (Article 155 of the Criminal Code of 1926). The same chapter included a crime providing for liability for the violent illegal deprivation of someone’s freedom (Article 147 of the Criminal Code of 1926).

As in previous criminal laws in the codes of 1922 and 1926. Much attention was paid to property violent crimes. They defined robbery as “the open theft of someone else’s property in the presence of a person who owns, uses or is in charge of it” (Article 182 of the Criminal Code of 1922 and Article 165 of the Criminal Code of 1926).

Consequences of psychological violence

Emotional abuse is almost invisible from the outside; it leads to a psychological “blocking” and prevents the further establishment of healthy interpersonal connections. For example, a family or a married couple in whose relationships this component is present may seem to be an ideal unit of society. The sweetest people who love each other - this is roughly the impression they make on friends, relatives and neighbors. If the spouse suddenly begins to complain about psychological harassment from her husband, she immediately runs into a wall of misunderstanding, and sometimes even condemnation from her environment.

The situation is aggravated by the tyrant himself, using the tools of gaslighting and convincing the victim that everything is fine, “you just always don’t like something.” As a result, she feels guilty or agrees that she is the problem. The result is an increase in complexes, fears, the development of neurosis or other forms of mental disorders, in which it can be difficult to help in any way.

There may be suicidal symptoms or a desire to “drown out” internal pain with alcohol, drugs or potent medications. As a result, problems grow like a snowball and after this, without the intervention of a specialist in the form of an experienced psychologist, it is already difficult to return to normal.

Another danger of such treatment is that if the victim does not fight back, psychological pressure can develop into physical violence. And if this happens at least once, the aggressor cannot be stopped. Here you definitely need to seek qualified help.

Who suffers and what is the cause of domestic violence?

The main misconception, which carries unsafe consequences, is that the cause of violence lies in the actions of the injured partner, who allegedly “provoked” the rapist. This leads to the question: “Why?”, which subconsciously justifies the rapist. It is important to remember that there is no behavioral reason for systematically resorting to violence. The only reason lies only in the rapist's penchant for sadism.

Domestic violence against women

Women most often suffer from domestic violence. What is the reason? In a partner who often has the qualities of a tyrant.

Risk factors for sexual violence include

low level of education;
childhood abuse by the perpetrator;
observed violence between father and mother or other relatives;
antisocial personality disorder;
alcohol abuse.

Domestic violence in the family (against the elderly, children, other relatives)

As already mentioned, not only wives of tyrant husbands suffer from domestic violence. Children are frequent victims of fathers and mothers prone to physical and psychological violence. They do not know how to protect themselves from tyranny, they are forced to live for years in an unhealthy atmosphere, having no other choice. In the future they may themselves have a tendency to violence.

Also often victims of domestic violence are older people who are unable to protect themselves, who are ashamed to tell anyone about the tyranny happening at home, or who are afraid of receiving even more aggression from the tyrant.

Protection from psychological violence

Here are some tips from psychologists to help protect yourself:

Say no to someone who likes to command. Consider what will happen if you do not follow the aggressor's orders. If you are prepared for the possible consequences, calmly but firmly say: “I will not obey your commands.” If the commander's attack continues after this, simply ignore subsequent instructions.
Master the method of psychological “aikido” and use it for verbal aggression. The essence of this method is to smooth out the conflict by agreeing with any statements of the tyrant, even absurd ones. Understand that the purpose of shouting and insults is to unbalance you, make you nervous, embarrassed, upset, etc. But if you respond completely unexpectedly, for example, by making a joke, the aggressor will become confused or significantly weaken his position.
Don't fall for the manipulation of ignoring. There is no need to try to talk or appease the person who has “ignored”. Without unnecessary emotions, let him know that he will not achieve anything with such behavior.
Do not allow personal boundaries to be violated, do not succumb to the manipulation of games of duty or guilt that they are trying to impose on you. Remember that you yourself determine what you are responsible for and what you are not. Tell the aggressor directly about this.
Be alert to threats, intimidation and blackmail. If you are sure that this is empty talk, you can respond so that the aggressor will immediately carry out his threat. But if there is a real threat to your life, health or well-being, be careful and avoid acute reactions. Try to record the threats on a tape recorder or video camera so that you can contact law enforcement if necessary.
Try to honestly answer this question for yourself: are you ready to endure regular insults, humiliation and other bullying from an aggressor just because he is your husband, boss or parent? Perhaps it is better not to communicate with this person at all?

If you feel that you cannot help yourself cope with the attacks of the aggressor, use the help of an online psychologist at Helppoint. First of all, the specialist will objectively determine whether certain actions constitute psychological or other violence. If so, it will help you resist the aggressor, taking into account your specific life situation. The simplest possible registration, guaranteed confidentiality, competent psychologists, convenient online communication formats - all this is at your service at Helppoint.

Author: Editorial staff of the Help-Point.net portal

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