My husband beats me, but there is nowhere to go - what to do and where to turn?

Recently, women victims of domestic tyranny are increasingly turning to me with requests for help in a terrible situation of domestic violence. They tell terrible stories of their lives, and then ask: what to do if a husband beats his wife and children, mocks him, but has nowhere to go, has no relatives or friends, or is it scary to leave / file for divorce from a tyrant - the husband threatens to kill, maim, take away child...

My dears! I can only help with advice regarding psychology, your relationship with yourself. I'm not a lawyer, a police officer, or a doctor. I advise you to work on yourself, without getting a divorce right away, in order to get rid of the tyrant husband within you, to leave the relationship with him not with trauma, but with victory. But if everything is completely scary for you and there is a threat to the life or health of you and your children, then you should not think about working on yourself, but about salvation! You will come to your senses later when you and your children are out of danger.

Husband threatens physical harm and murder

“He hits – it means he loves!” How many times have we heard or used this expression ourselves, either jokingly or seriously. However, is it possible to treat these words with irony? It would be possible if the sad statistics did not reveal to us a terrifying picture of the behavior of people in families, behind tightly closed doors and curtained windows. Unfortunately, a huge number of men prefer to prove their love and care in this way, and, following the same statement, a woman is inclined to take precisely such sensual manifestations as proof of high and pure love.

Alas, from childhood we were taught “not to wash dirty linen in public” and to turn a blind eye to domestic violence for the sake of children, for the sake of family, for the sake of money... Every humiliated woman finds an excuse for herself, why she endures and finds her own interpretation, why he became “such " They often feel guilty when their husband shows aggression, and they justify it in every possible way by a lack of mood, problems at work, financial instability, or simply because he just drank a little.

Where to turn if your husband beats you?

First, you need to search the Internet for the nearest crisis center, and then think about how to contact the center itself. I advise you to find the address and telephone number of a crisis center in your region right now and save them in your phone - just in case. The search most often contains only telephone numbers, addresses and e-mails of women's assistance centers. Not everyone has a website—apparently, they don’t care about websites. But a telephone is enough for us, right? Some crisis centers also have websites where you can read useful materials. I found several websites of women’s help centers as examples, for the largest cities:

• There are several crisis centers in Moscow, for example: Crisis Center for Women and Children
• There are also many crisis centers in St. Petersburg, one of them: “Ingo” - a crisis center for women
• There are also several crisis centers in Yekaterinburg, the website of one: Crisis

If you haven’t found anything at all for your city or region, then here is a universal lifesaver, which I also found on the Internet - an all-Russian toll-free helpline:

Procedure in case of manifestation of physical and/or psychological aggression

All victims of domestic violence think about what to do during the next attack of overt hostility. You can try to run away from home, call someone for help, or quietly agree with everything and try to calm the raging husband.

1. We must not forget that threats of physical harm or murder are punishable by law. Such acts are criminally punishable and it does not matter whether the couple is in a legal family relationship or whether the ex-husband is threatening his ex-wife. Being married is no longer a mitigating factor.
2. When a husband threatens violence and is ready to take decisive action, it is best to try to contact the police by phone and notify them of the threat to safety from the husband. The police are required to respond to the call. If the call was made for the first time, then the husband will get off with only a strict reprimand, and if the incident is repeated, a criminal case will be initiated. At this time, the wife will need to collect evidence of hostility towards her. At trial, any video or audio recordings, certificate of bodily harm and witness testimony can become indisputable facts about antisocial and dangerous behavior. As a result, the court may sentence the tyrant to forced labor or imprisonment for up to two years. If the bullying occurred on the basis of religious, national, racial, political or social hatred, then the period of stay in correctional institutions can be up to five years.
3. If the husband threatens to kill, but has not made any attempts to carry out his threats, it is still necessary to file a statement with law enforcement agencies. It is this decisive action on your part that will sober him up and make him seriously think about the inadmissibility of his behavior and the possible onset of responsibility for what he has done. If, over time, there are several such statements, then this will be a reason to initiate criminal prosecution for systematic physical and psychological torture.

Now you know where to turn and what actions to take to protect yourself and ensure the safety of your children. Only publicity and decisive action on your part can repel those who persecute and morally suppress weaker women. Under no circumstances should you hide in a corner and put up with the current state of things. Our legislation is capable of protecting the family from manifestations of hostility on the part of the husband and father. Do not forget - the rapist achieves power by spreading fear, and the tacit consent of the victim makes him even more sophisticated in torture and bullying.

Author of the article

Dmitry Leonov

Work experience 15 years, specialization - housing, family, inheritance, land, criminal cases.

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Is it worth putting up with your husband's blackmail?

Unfortunately, threats from a spouse are often perceived in two ways. Just remember the notorious “Hitting means loving”, which ruined more than one life. Therefore, when a husband threatens to beat or even kill his other half after a divorce, some ladies perceive this as a declaration of love and the impossibility of existing without her and children. But the situation is much worse, because cases of physical violence against wives and children by men have never been uncommon.

From the point of view of a civilized European person, everything is simple - if certain threats are made against a citizen or her children, especially murder, you need to immediately contact the police. But in Russian realities, the police are extremely reluctant to initiate cases of threats to life and health, believing that we are talking about purely everyday problems between a man and a woman, and the expression “Come back when they kill you” has long turned from anecdotal to real.

However, this does not mean at all that you need to live with an unloved person for the rest of your days, fearing reprisals. Every citizen has the right to divorce, regardless of whether there are children in the family and how her spouse feels about the separation. The threats of a loved one to deal with his wife are not always real; sometimes it is a cry from the soul of a man who does not want to get a divorce and does not know how to keep his wife from taking a desperate step in another way. But sooner or later, men move from words to deeds, sparing neither their spouse nor their own children.

Responsibility

The spouse must bear responsibility for unlawful acts . As in any criminal case, it provides for serious restrictions on freedom.

Possible liability may include:

1. without qualifying features;
2. with qualifying characteristics.

Let's consider each type separately.

Without qualifying features

According to Part 1 of the same Article 119 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation, the threat involves the following types of punishment:

• arrest for up to six months;
• imprisonment for up to two years;
• forced labor for up to two years;
• compulsory work from 400 to 800 hours.

With qualifying features

The qualifying criteria are reflected in the second part of the article and imply the commission of a threat motivated by political, racial, ideological or national hatred , or against a specific social group.

For such a case it is provided:

1. forced labor for up to five years with deprivation of the right to hold certain positions for up to three years;
2. imprisonment for a term of up to five years under the same conditions.

The ex-husband threatens to take the child. What to do?

Hello,

You indicated that your ex-spouse pays you alimony for the maintenance of a minor child. Tell me, on what basis are payments made: a court decision, a notarized written agreement or an oral agreement? How is the transfer of funds carried out: in cash or by transfer?

As I understand it, your ex-husband is currently threatening to go to court with a claim to determine his place of residence. In principle, according to the law, he has the right to do this,

because parents have equal rights regarding their children.

According to Art. 65 of the RF IC, the place of residence of children when parents live separately is established by agreement of the parents. (if you did not go to court with a claim to determine the child and did not enter into a written agreement, then documents confirming the payment of alimony will indicate the voluntary consent of the father for the child to live with the mother). In the absence of an agreement, the dispute between the parents is resolved by the court with the participation of the guardianship and trusteeship authorities, based on the interests of the children and taking into account the opinions of the children. In this case, the court takes into account the age of the child, his attachment to each of the parents, brothers, sisters and other family members, the moral and other personal qualities of the parents, the relationship existing between each parent and the child, the possibility of creating conditions for the child’s upbringing and development

(
taking into account the type of activity and work schedule of the parents, their financial and marital status
, bearing in mind that the mere advantage in the financial and living situation of one of the parents is not an absolute basis for satisfying the requirements of this parent), as well as other circumstances characterizing the situation that has developed in the place of residence of each of the parents.

If the decision on the child’s place of residence has already been determined by the court in your favor. It will be very difficult to challenge it. The only thing your ex-husband will rely on is that you are improperly performing your duties, allegedly leading an immoral lifestyle, not raising your child and forbidding him to see his father. So, be prepared for this. Get references from kindergarten, school, work, neighbors, etc.

Tell me, in cases where conflicts arose with your spouse, did he ever use physical force (including during marriage)?

Or was he limited only to threats? Did the child witness these scenes?

Check out this issue:

Will my ex-wife be able to deprive me of parental rights because I beat her before the divorce? https://taktaktak.org/problem/10273

Concept and legal framework

Any threats that are expressed by one person against another and which should reasonably be feared are within the scope of legal regulation of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation as the key normative act that forms punishment for such crimes.

Any threats that are addressed to the life and health of a person, if they are actually worth fearing, mean the creation of such circumstances for the person being threatened, when a person should fear for his life and health or for the life and health of his family.

In this case, threats are not only physical actions, but also constantly exerted psychological violence.

Threats emanating from an ex-husband are also within the scope of the Criminal Code, as they are no different from other types of threats. In addition, the commission of this type of crime is often in interaction with other crimes, for example, those associated with causing harm to health of varying degrees of severity.

In addition, if there is a recorded beating from a former spouse at least once, then a ban on possible approach may also be imposed as punishment (and such approach also includes telephone calls). If such a prohibition is violated, the ex-husband will have to face criminal punishment depending on the severity of the crime he committed.

Step-by-step instructions on how to proceed

Where to go?

1. The first step is to write a statement to the police.
   It doesn’t matter whether illegal actions were committed against a woman or not, even a verbal threat is a reason to contact law enforcement agencies. In most cases, one statement will not entail any proceedings, therefore, if moral or physical violence from the husband continues, it is necessary to contact the police after each threat.
2. When applying, a woman will be provided with an application form and a sample.
   It must indicate:
   • To whom is the document addressed?

   Your data.

3. Also describe the current situation in detail, but without unnecessary emotions.
4. Refer to 119 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation - if you have been threatened.
5. In addition, detailed information about the offender, in this case the victim’s spouse, should be given.
6. Another caveat is that the document must be signed by the victim; anonymous complaints about the threat are not accepted. Submission of the application is recorded in the office, after which you need to wait for a response. If there is evidence of a crime in the case, a criminal case will be initiated.

Collection of evidence

Without them, it will not be possible to bring the case to court. Evidence of unlawful action on the part of the husband may include:

• Testimony of witnesses - these could be cohabitants or housemates.
• Video and audio recording - during a quarrel, you can quietly turn on the voice recorder or camera on your phone. If a woman is serious about proving the fact of the threats, then she can install a hidden camera in advance at the site of the alleged conflict.
• A print screen of an SMS message or a link on the Internet – it’s not uncommon for threats to be recorded using a phone or computer. You should not delete them, because they can serve as evidence of a threat.
• Recording a telephone conversation - if your husband has a habit of voicing threats over the phone, then you should install an application that allows you to record during the conversation.
• The testimony of the victim is also evidence during the consideration of the case.

It is advisable to attach all materials to the initial application.

Legal settlement

If the court decides to continue considering the case, the defendant and plaintiff will be summoned to a hearing. The victim will have to testify, present evidence in her favor, and, if possible, bring witnesses.

The accused, in turn, may also have witnesses. However, if found guilty, the judge will pronounce a sentence, which may include imprisonment. In addition to the main punishment, the spouse may demand moral compensation.

Read more about what to do if you are threatened with physical harm in this article.