Rudeness at work: how to pacify a rude person

We are accustomed to thinking that bullying is a problem exclusively for children or teenagers. What happens at school, summer camp, or at least at the institute. And it certainly doesn’t apply to adults, working, balanced people.

But that's not true. In Russia, almost no one deals with this problem and, accordingly, does not keep statistics. But in the USA, according to experts, 60 million people complain about bullying2017 US Workplace Bullying Survey / Workplace Bullying Institute. And if you feel bad at work, and your colleagues systematically ruin your mood or interfere with your career, you may also be experiencing bullying.

Reaction to rudeness at work

When they hear rudeness or are faced with their personal opinion being ignored, some people immediately give an adequate rebuff, while others remain silent. Thus, according to research by psychophysiologists, the reaction to rudeness is embedded in our genetic code. Therefore, even witnesses to conflicts experience stress—those present experience short-term weakening of attention and memory. The hardest thing is for victims who do not know how to resist insults, because their immunity is also weakened, their psychological and physical well-being worsens, plus problems arise in their personal lives. As a result, the most determined - about 10% - quit from dysfunctional teams.

Can bullying be prevented?

If the management of the team does everything possible to ensure that a peaceful environment reigns , suppresses any signs of bullying, mobbing can be avoided.

Often, any bullying, the fault of management, which either approves of it directly or indirectly, or ignores the very fact of its existence, does not delve into the lives of the wards.

A victim who is faced with mobbing in a team where it is the norm will hardly be able to do anything. At best, aggressors will eventually switch to someone else .

The main reasons for rudeness

Trainer-psychologist of the Management Format agency Inna Butenko listed four main reasons for harsh verbal attacks.

First, the child grew up in an atmosphere of rudeness, humiliation and scandals. From childhood, he heard his parents insult each other, and in addition, he experienced their constant irritation, anger and beatings. Over the years, boys and girls adopt the communication style of adults, consider it the norm and transmit it to others.

Second, low self-esteem (it is formed in the family and school). Children quickly understand that they can assert their status in their own eyes and in relationships with their peers with malicious remarks and even physical force. It should be noted: this habit remains for life.

Third, failures in your personal life, career and unfulfilled dreams.

Fourth, temporary difficulties, which take a lot of effort to overcome. The person is exhausted and irritated, and that’s why he lashes out at everyone who gets the hot hand.

After listening to the psychologist's theses about the causes of rudeness, I got the impression that the unfortunate insolent people need to be hugged and cried. Perhaps most of us would do the same. However, the damage that is done to others is so great that we forget about pity.

In teams where rude treatment and humiliation of employees is allowed, work is secretly sabotaged, and at home, victims of attacks broadcast their bad mood to loved ones

What steps should you take at the moment?

In this part of the article, we will talk about what steps you can take when your boss has humiliated you to prevent the situation from getting worse.

Do not answer immediately, do not give in to emotions

Sometimes staying silent in a bad situation can save you from a much worse outcome. The desire to speak out and tell the boss to go to hell is an understandable desire. But aggressively confronting a person on whom you somehow depend is not a good idea.

If your boss humiliates you without a good reason, try to calmly explain to him that he made a mistake and the fault is not yours. There is a chance that you will be heard, but it won’t be if you start yelling back. Dialogue definitely won’t work when both sides can’t hear each other. In any case, you shouldn't put on a show in front of everyone.

How to respond to rudeness at work?

If you remain silent in response to an employee’s rudeness, then verbal attacks will certainly be repeated and over time this behavior will become a habit, and the number of aggressors in the team will increase. Therefore, provide decent feedback right away. However, avoid the bazaar principle: whoever shouts louder and behaves more unceremoniously is right - this kind of tactic will only lead to an escalation of the conflict.

The answer to rudeness is “ignoring”

Imagine this situation: you are walking around the city and hear a sarcastic remark from a drunk citizen or drug addict. Naturally, most of us pass by such an individual without turning our heads. At work, in most cases, this technique also works well, that is, it allows you to show that the attacker and his words are empty space. As a result, attacks are reduced to nothing, which helps save nerves and self-esteem. There are several proven nonverbal methods of ignoring.

Examples of nonverbal responses to rudeness.

You can demonstrate to a colleague that you can’t see him point-blank even in cases when it comes to performing joint tasks, that is, you have to communicate. This is quite simple to do - master a few non-verbal techniques.

Always look exclusively over the subject's head (during morning greetings and service dialogues), and walk past him quickly. This tactic is extremely unpleasant for any of us.

When communicating in business, “close yourself” - cross your arms over your chest or (if sitting) cross your legs - this technique works flawlessly on a subconscious level.

Show that you are very busy - to quickly end the conversation, pick up the phone and pretend that you are dialing the subscriber’s number (you can even leave the common office).

Respond to sarcastic remarks by raising your eyebrows arrogantly.

Advice. If you see that a person wants to reconcile, stop harshly ignoring him, but remain restrained for some time.

Responses to rudeness “manipulation”

Change your attitude by using praise. After all, positive emotions are more effective than an appeal to reason, and they also encourage correct behavior in order to listen to kind words more often.

Examples of situations and phrases for responding to rudeness.

If an individual makes evil jokes at you, then use simple manipulative sentences:

“Rudeness does not add credibility even to such a competent specialist like you”;
“Insults do not suit a good person like you.”

A colleague returned from his manager in a bad mood and began to take out his bitterness on you. Say kindly:

“How can I help you so as not to have the pleasure of hearing incorrect remarks”;
“There are difficulties at work, but you will definitely succeed.”

A colleague has problems (in the family, with children or with health), so he is on edge and gets irritated at any reason, and he himself does not understand how aggressive he is. In this case, ask: “Do you hear yourself and understand how those present see it from the outside?”

For some unknown reason, a person makes malicious insults. Calmly say: “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear your words, it seems to me that you misspoke.”

If there is a manipulator on the team (familiarize yourself with the basic techniques of manipulation), then peacefully paraphrase his words and the first part of the sentence should sound:

“You probably wanted to say...”;
“Justify your message...”

The answer to rudeness is “calm and only calm”

Learn to maintain restraint (even if only externally) if you hear rudeness or sarcastic barbs addressed to you. Be sure to try to reproduce indifference on your face and intonation. Ask, I will say, an elegant question that will help reduce the level of shamelessness of the employee.

Examples of situations and phrases for responding to rudeness.

In the morning you walk into the office and literally immediately hear an unceremonious address. Smile friendly and repel the attack: “Have a successful (excellent) day to you too.” Believe me: any normal person will immediately lose the desire to be rude.

A co-worker is in a bad mood and begins to take it out on you. Look him calmly in the eyes and ask: “Why are you raising your voice at me?”

In most cases, the opponent immediately becomes embarrassed and calms down. If this does not happen, then ask another question (any one depending on the situation):

“You intend to offend me, why?”
“Are you having a difficult day?”
“Do you want to vent your bad mood”?

Then listen to his tirade and clarify: “Is that all”?

Response to rudeness “explanations and questions”

It is considered impolite to answer a question with a question. Although in circumstances where you are rude and have to defend yourself, this is a completely acceptable tactic. Force your interlocutor to specify and clarify his messages over and over again.

Examples of situations and phrases for responding to rudeness.

You have done your job efficiently, but your colleague begins to lecture in a raised voice, and his comments lack objectivity. Immediately delicately block unauthorized attempts with the following remark:

“Thank you for the advice, but don’t worry about the results of my work”;
“You shouldn’t bother yourself with recommendations”;
“Thank you, I’ll figure it out myself”;
“Please do not interfere with my direction.”

Advice. Avoid the usual line: “It’s none of your business.” Soften the wording and ask correctly, for example: “I’m sorry, but are you related to this area of work”? And forget the word combination: “This is my business” (it makes you the center of the conflict).

A senior in age, but not in rank, begins to examine you and give you an assessment, say, on a prepared report or paper. Ask straight away:

“Why did you decide to test my knowledge and skills”;
“On what basis do you use mentoring techniques?”

If a colleague or even a manager starts shouting, immediately ask:

“Why are you raising your voice”;
“Why do you allow yourself to speak so loudly”;
“Your remark sounds very rude. You would like it if I addressed you the same way”;
“What makes you tell me something like that”;
“Why did my words annoy you so much?”

Response to rudeness “talk about third parties”

It happens that an employee begins to “drain poison” on behalf of people who seem to have been offended by you. It speaks loudly about how you acted wrongly with a third party who was not present during the conversation. In this case, briefly summarize:

Examples of response phrases to this kind of rudeness:

“Why are you unfoundedly accusing me of unethical behavior”;
“Claims against me should be made exclusively by the person who, as you say, suffered”;
“You have decided to take on the functions of an arbitrator”;
“If you wish, you can write a report to our manager - the authorities will figure out who is right and who is wrong.”

Important: even if unfounded accusations are very offensive, do not explain anything, do not provide evidence, and do not make excuses.

The answer is "an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth"

This method is perfect for people with a choleric temperament and those who do not mince words. Start a fight - it will help both you and your opponent blow off steam. You may even gain a lasting victory and discourage anyone from contacting you in the future. And what’s even more important: the rest of the employees (witnesses of the scandal) will choose the right words and intonation when communicating, because you, too, will become a boor in their eyes.

When parrying rudeness, remember that the main impression on the aggressor is not your words, but your manner of behavior, that is, self-confidence and equanimity

Procedure

If the honor or dignity of the individual is humiliated, the offender can be brought to administrative or criminal liability, as well as receive compensation for moral damage. Procedure:

collection of evidence that will confirm the fact of insult. Audio or video files and witness statements are used as evidence. If there is information posted on social networks or the Internet, as well as sent by mail, scans of the specified pages will be required. If the violation occurred in a room with a security camera, you can take a video recording. It will be attached to the case file;
drawing up a complaint or report indicating the date of the incident, as well as all data, including personal information about the offender;
appealing to the court for compensation for moral damage, to the prosecutor's office for prosecution, or submitting a memo to senior management, if any, or to the trade union.

Important! To contact the trade union or the boss, a memo is sufficient. When applying to the court, a claim form must be completed according to the standard, and when applying to the authorities, it is necessary to fill out the application correctly.

How to file a complaint?

The standard version of the application is used as a complaint. But in addition, you need to specify several mandatory points:

the time frame of the offense, including the exact time and date. In case of systematic violations, it will also be necessary to indicate all recorded facts;
details of the offender, that is, the official is indicated, as well as his personal information;
the fact itself is written down. Fact means full disclosure of actions;
request for accountability.

When going to court, a standard claim form is used. It is also important to fully evaluate the person's actions and provide specific facts about why their words or actions were offensive.

Where should I submit it?

Most organizations have a number of ethics rules, which allows you to file complaints with senior management when moral harm is caused by other employees, including those higher in position. Another two options are the courts; in particular, a lawsuit is filed if it is necessary to recover damages caused by insult.

According to the Code of Administrative Offenses, it is advisable to immediately make an appeal to the prosecutor's office.

Important! Together with the complaint, a full package of evidence is submitted, which can be expressed in any form. This is necessary for further consideration of the case. Without an evidence base, a citizen may be refused due to the lack of a confirmed fact.

If there is no evidence in the form of audio or video recordings, then it is mandatory to provide written testimony of witnesses, who may later be summoned to court.

Sample

A memorandum and a complaint to the court for consideration of a civil case are standard. The complaint is drawn up according to a special template.

Sample:

Sample report for an employee

Types of insult

The legislation distinguishes between two types of personal insults – general and public. In practice, it is worth noting additional aspects:

Violations by colleagues.
Insults committed by management.
Humiliating statements on behalf of strangers (clients, customers, etc.).

In some cases, obscene words are not used when insulting. The statement is in the format of a literary speech, but at the same time it harms the reputation and dignity of a person. In this case, he can also be held accountable.

Features of the crime

Articles 94 and 101 of the Labor Code of the Russian Federation, employees are required to comply with ethical standards of communication. The Constitution of the Russian Federation prohibits insults based on religion, nationality and other characteristics of a person.

For ordinary insult, administrative liability is provided under Article 5.61 of the Code of Administrative Offences, and for insulting a representative of the authorities and law enforcement agencies - criminal punishment.

Regardless of the status of the offender, these legal norms apply to him. But disciplinary measures can additionally be applied to officials.

Concept and legal characteristics

Article 5.61 of the Code of Administrative Offenses punishes humiliation of dignity in general, without division into those committed in the workplace or outside it. Circumstances that indicate humiliation are considered:

Intentionally offensive statements that affect the dignity and honor of a person.
Actions and words that have an obscene form.
Presence of a specific addressee.

If the abuse is not directed at a specific person, then it will not be possible to prosecute for it under this article.

Judicial practice under the article for insult in the workplace includes the use of:

Expressions using obscenities.
Comparisons with animals and plants.
Unwanted touching.
Obscene gestures.
Damaging or tearing off the victim's clothing.

Insulting superior employees is punished in the same way as inferior ones.

Rules on this issue

The inadmissibility of violating human rights and humiliating his honor and dignity is specified in the following legislative acts:

In Article 21 of the Constitution of the Russian Federation.
The Labor Code, which states that everyone is required to follow ethical standards.
The Criminal Code of the Russian Federation, if we are talking about insulting a government official.
Article 5.61 of the Code of Administrative Offenses of the Russian Federation.

The Code of Administrative Offenses is used most often when the dignity of one or more people is humiliated.