My ex is blackmailing me with suicide
Last week I put an end to my relationship with MCH. For a long time I tolerated his addiction to alcohol and computer games, put up with his laziness and inability to help me even in word or deed - I loved him deeply, very much, imitated Mother Teresa, hoped that everything would improve, he would change, he would fulfill his promises. But time passed and things only became more annoying. About a month ago it broke through for me: quarrels began, showdowns began, but he surprisingly tried to smooth everything over, showed in every possible way a desire to change, to improve.
Methods
- minimization (denial);
- distraction (excuse);
- playing the role of a victim;
- selective attention;
- deception by omission;
- rationalization.
The manipulator can pretend that he did not want to cause harm or achieve his own, and his intentions were allegedly misunderstood by the interlocutor.
Involvement in the case is denied and the victim is told that she is exaggerating the scale of the event and drawing incorrect conclusions. If the follower insists that the provocateur reveal his true face, he begins to change the topic of conversation and ignore leading questions.
If necessary, the blackmailer himself pretends to be the victim, complaining about life’s difficulties and begging the person to help him.
Selective attention comes down to the fact that the manipulator suppresses conversations on certain topics, wanting to hide revealing details. He tells the interlocutor that he doesn’t want to listen to anything and tries to convince the victim that her assumptions are unfounded, calling everything nonsense.
Deception by omission is carried out without any special tricks: the blackmailer does not tell the slave the truth, wishful thinking and misleading the person.
Rationalization assumes that when claims arise from the victim, the provocateur logically explains to her his vision of what is happening, putting everything in a favorable light.
When communicating with a driven person, the manipulator threatens :
- taking one's own life (suicide);
- abduction of a child from a family;
- causing harm to relatives;
- stalking friends or colleagues;
- deterioration of business reputation;
- revealing personal secrets.
The blackmailer can cause feelings of guilt in the interlocutor by declaring his desire to commit suicide.
He creates the impression that his life is in the hands of the victim and only she can save the sufferer from a wrong step. In a successful scenario, a weak person begins to believe that he is responsible for the manipulator and must prevent suicide attempts by unquestioningly obeying the demands put forward.
If the follower has children, the provocateur puts pressure on maternal or paternal feelings, calling into question the safety of the children.
Many, in order to protect their child, agree to accept the conditions voiced by the insidious type. A similar calculation is made when the blackmailer threatens other actions aimed at the target's social circle or reputation.
I'm being blackmailed into suicide
Hello, author of the letter. You shouldn’t blackmail even the people closest to you. Don’t let them rule over you like that. Don’t submit to someone else’s will. Is studying really more important to your mother than you, her own daughter? Is life really that much? has become devalued, is it worth throwing it away for the sake of “flying out” of the institute? Be stronger and fight back against people who are trying to subjugate you, and in this way, not entirely honest, to put it mildly.
We recommend reading: Is it possible to register with an expired passport?
How do you become an emotional blackmailer?
Provocateurs often suffer from various complexes, which they try to hide by feigning confident and authoritative behavior. They assert themselves at the expense of the weaknesses of others, choosing vulnerable individuals rather than those who can repel their attacks.
Emotional blackmailers often become difficult teenagers, representatives of the criminal environment, lovers of freebies and psychologically ill people.
Drug addicts, alcoholics and rowdies hide their experiences behind bad habits, and to satisfy their needs they use victims who are ready to provide them with comfortable living conditions.
A person can become a blackmailer if he feels isolated from society and believes that he cannot get what he wants in any other way.
Manipulators are driven by motives of selfishness, self-interest, and a thirst for revenge. Provocateurs believe that much is allowed to them and justify their behavior by previously experienced suffering, correlating it with the acquisition of the moral right to mock others.
Some blackmailers resort to prohibited methods, having become disillusioned with their work and personal life, having lost friends and the meaning of life. By gaining power they try to compensate for their own failures.
My husband is threatening suicide!
I ASK FOR HELP! The story is long, so I won’t tell everything, but briefly. Married for 10 years, two children together. From the very beginning, my husband loved to go out and drink with friends, and this was the reason for all our conflicts.. 4 years ago my patience ran out after another binge and I asked him to pack his things and leave. Then he walked for a long time and swore that all this would not happen again and he realized everything and couldn’t imagine life without us. A month later I gave up, felt the sincerity in his words and we got back together.
When to start worrying?
Photo from operationheal.us
– What specific signs can be used to notice if a child is suicidal?
– These could be changes in the teenager’s mood, behavior, or statements.
The first such sign is mood swings . A teenager becomes hot-tempered over trifles, or vice versa, loses interest in the former joys of life, becomes withdrawn, indifferent, passive, fenced off.
There may be anxiety, seemingly causeless tears, or aggression; sleep disturbances may appear - difficulty falling asleep, shallow sleep, lack of a feeling of rest after sleep, drowsiness and weakness during the day. Attention becomes more distracted, which can affect your studies. A teenager may isolate himself from friends, preferring the computer to personal communication.
The second alarming sign is certain statements, direct or indirect . A teenager can directly state that life is boring, people are predictable, you can’t trust them, there is no meaning in life, he can also talk about death, write depressively colored poetry or draw the same pictures.
The third sign is the presence of forums or groups on social networks discussing suicide . Teenagers, being in an extremely depressed state, look for such groups themselves and, unfortunately, find them, despite the active struggle of law enforcement officers.
On such forums, unfortunately, suicide can be presented, for example, as a manifestation of strength, which, of course, is far from true.
But people who are depressed begin to consider this option as a real way to “solve the problem.”
The fourth sign is a decrease in the teenager’s interest in his appearance, negative statements addressed to himself . A person who is planning to die may stop taking care of himself. Forgets to eat on time, or eats previously favorite dishes without appetite. May neglect hygiene rules previously strictly observed.
A very alarming signal is if a teenager begins to give away his favorite personal items: clothes, toys, jewelry. This is an SOS signal, an unspoken request for help, a cry that there is a very serious trauma in the soul.
Children who previously had no desire for adventure may leave home. The social circle is changing, teenagers no longer communicate with old friends, they can change their social circle, often preferring virtual communication, or not communicate with anyone at all.
Very often, before committing a true suicide, which a teenager has thought through to the smallest detail, there is an elevated mood, even euphoria. On the part of parents, this is often mistakenly perceived as a sign that the problem has finally been solved, and they lose their vigilance. Then something irreparable can happen.
Threat of suicide as a way to keep a spouse from divorce
When a person talks about suicide in relation to himself, it is almost always 50/50: you can never predict anything in advance. Maybe this is the so-called suicidal blackmail. Or maybe the person really feels so bad that this seems to her the only way out of the situation.
It’s difficult to say anything here: I don’t know (and probably no one here knows) what kind of person he is, or whether he’s tried before.
We recommend reading: Cancellation of staff reductions
What it is?
There is no separate article in the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation specifically called “blackmail”. In the Criminal Code, namely Article 163, there is such a thing as “extortion”, and blackmail is considered as one of its forms.
Thus, this unlawful act means the presence of threats, intrusive requests, claims towards one’s victim. The form of extortion may not always be material. In the case we are considering, it is precisely moral, which, in fact, is even worse than the demand for something tangible.
The blackmailer, as a rule, knows the pain points of his victim, and therefore has a negative moral impact. In addition, it is not uncommon for the threats to be so strong that the victim is simply afraid to tell anyone about such a situation.
In most cases, even satisfying the blackmailer's demands does not free the victim from such a moral conclusion. After this, power over the individual is consolidated, and the criminal moves on to new, more brutal methods of blackmail.
Blackmail by suicide
Young girls are usually blackmailed with suicide, since they are most prone to hysteria and thoughtless words. But sometimes young people can be like that too. Unable to hold on to their loved one, they threaten to swallow pills (this is painless), cut their veins (dramatically) or jump out of a window (like in the movies, but if they survive, there is a risk of remaining disabled for the rest of their lives). In response to their threats, they expect a reaction something like this: “Don’t do this, I won’t be able to live without you.”
Suicide blackmail is not a guarantee of safety
– Teenagers often behave defiantly.
How to understand whether a child is really in danger, or whether he is trying to manipulate his parents in this way? – Let's start with the fact that there are several types of suicides. The most common is demonstrative blackmail suicide . His goal is to attract attention to himself, quickly get what he wants, punish offenders, in general, anything but not die.
The logic is simple: “Oh, well, you took my phone, you don’t allow me to play on the computer, you force me to do my homework, you don’t let me go for walks - now I’ll show you!” These can be not only verbal threats. For example, a child can open a window and even step on the windowsill, hang from the balcony, scratch his wrists, or brandish a knife.
Despite the fact that this type of behavior is clearly manipulative, blackmailing in nature, it is important to remember that there is still a danger to life: after all, you can simply slip or miscalculate everything.
I remember a case when a girl decided to “teach a lesson” to her boyfriend and fake a hanging. She calculated the time to the second before the moment when the young man would come out onto the stairs from the dining room (they were in the same institution together) and see her desperate gesture. According to the plan, at that moment the girl was supposed to jump into the noose, after which he, naturally, had to save her. But it was on that day that lunch was slightly delayed, and the story ended tragically.
Bright personalities are prone to this type of behavior: they are self-confident, stubborn, love to achieve what they want, know how and want to be the center of attention, and are painfully aware of the lack of attention to themselves.
The second type: true suicides, the most dangerous . They are, as a rule, planned in advance, the goal here is to die, and the method, circumstances, and timing are usually carefully thought out. Such decisions are most often caused by unbearable emotional experiences for a person or life circumstances to which a person cannot adapt.
In this case, a teenager can give himself a certain time, for example, a week, a month or six months, during which he must change the current situation, change his attitude towards it, cope with his experiences, prove something to himself or others, and find meaning.
And if this fails within the specified time frame, then in his perception life is devalued and deprived of meaning. Such suicides are often carried out secretly so that no one can provide help.
At risk here are teenagers with a high level of anxiety, painfully experiencing any failures, and lacking self-confidence.
The third type is suicides that occur suddenly at the height of emotional experiences . Something terrible happened, and the person, being at the peak of emotions, could not cope with it.
Such suicides are not planned in advance; they usually happen within seconds or minutes. The person does not even have time to objectively assess what happened.
I remember a case when the mother of a newborn child thought that he had died in his sleep, and she grabbed the child and threw herself out of the window with him in her arms. The child was alive and, fortunately, survived. The mother died. It is difficult to influence this type of suicide, but if there are people nearby, then it is possible and necessary to keep the person in the mood from such a step.
Common Cases
Household blackmail
In families, it often happens that the husband threatens his wife and turns out to be a tyrant, establishing his own rules, regardless of the opinions of his household. Jealous types can torment their wives with suspicion, and they, in an effort to prove their innocence, become puppets in the hands of manipulators. There can be many reasons for blackmail in a family, since relatives know each other’s weaknesses well and can benefit from this.
Blackmail by a child after divorce
There are often cases where an ex-wife blackmails children after a divorce, demanding money or some actions in exchange for a meeting.
Girl blackmails with suicide
Girls manipulate suicide in an attempt to control their boyfriends by threatening them with suicide because of unrequited love.
Blackmailing mother
Mothers can suppress the will of their children by imposing their opinions on them and pursuing personal interests. The daughter and son, in turn, can blackmail their parents, taking advantage of their favor and desire for guardianship.
Manipulation can be resisted if you recognize it in time and stop following other people’s instructions.
Freedom from fears, no need to communicate with the blackmailer, calm perception of other people's opinions, ignoring attacks, contacting the police - all this helps to stay safe.
Blackmail is a form of extortion
There is a serious problem in the interaction of people, which is expressed in the desire of one person to gain power over the consciousness of another in order to obtain benefits. Blackmail can be carried out in a variety of ways, aimed at suppressing the will of the target and controlling his feelings, beliefs, and actions.
You can remain resistant to such provocations if you have the necessary knowledge (the essence of the manipulation, the intended intention, and other nuances).
Psychology – do we teach at school?
The third point that influences the occurrence of suicide among teenagers is their lack of at least minimal psychological knowledge, including about themselves. Now, on the initiative of our Center, an agreement has been reached with the Ministry of Education on the creation of a psychology course that will be taught in schools from the second to the last grade. That is, all years of education will be taught at a level accessible to each age in psychology, and appropriate textbooks should appear. This is not a quick thing, but it is very promising.
Suicidal risk and psychoactive substances
The risk of suicide in adolescents who use psychoactive substances (alcohol, drugs, toxic substances) increases sharply. All these substances not only cause a state of euphoria and pleasure, but also sharply reduce criticism of one’s behavior. As a result, even a minor conflict can cause a completely inadequate reaction in a teenager who is intoxicated by alcohol or drugs, leading to impulsive, without any consideration, actions. Including suicide.
If alcohol or drug addiction has already formed, then the condition when another dose of the drug is required is very serious. Depression develops, which can also lead to suicidal actions.
Ineffective suicide support
It should be noted that the existing system of suicidological assistance in our country is largely outdated and does not meet the requirements of the time and the latest achievements of suicidological science and practice.
For the most part, suicidological services (and in some regions there are none at all) do not have a child and adolescent link, and this is a special job, special approaches. Often, the child’s parents simply have nowhere to turn, even if they suspect their child is at risk of suicide. Therefore, a reform of the entire system of suicide care is required, with the mandatory introduction of a child and adolescent level.
